Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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