butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
