so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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