My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
