My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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