id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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