I cockslap morals
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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