"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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