You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
