just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
