im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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