oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Randomize