Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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