just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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