i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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