If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
