But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
