so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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