She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
