I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
