so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize