I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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