He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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