u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
