living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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