I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
