Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
