Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
