can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
