I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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