shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
