It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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