I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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