I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They are going to name an STD after you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
