Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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