so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
