Old men and throwing up are my life now.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize