whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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