i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
