can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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