I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He felt like a one man threesome
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
