Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize