his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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