No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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