i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
