did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Four minutes until I can fart!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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