Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
