hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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