Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize