We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
