I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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