Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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