My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
