i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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