Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
