nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
