i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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