How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize