If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
