He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
