The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
