Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
