Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
