what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
