Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
