Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The feeling are messing with the penis
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
