I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You left your phone here
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