I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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