So drunk its hurt
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
3 2 1 whiskey
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
