12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
