I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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