is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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