I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
