i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
