This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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