The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
