I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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