I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
