please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
