I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
