Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
