Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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