i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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