Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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