My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
