my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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