I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize