Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
