I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's on the porch naked. Help.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
