i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
