Got a toothbrush?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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