Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
