If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
