something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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