We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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