Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
