I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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